Let me try out one experiment: I’ll start sharing one thing, one reflection of what I learned / what happened at work today, repurposed for an external audience.
This is a refinement of what I was thinking about this in this post http://proses.id/dreams-are-better-off-dreamt/
Full time employment at least forces me to focus on some area, instead of going off exploring infinite tangents without resolution. Dabbling
Sure it limits my ability (time, mental space) to explore, process, think through, mull over, pursue, random ideas more freely. But i can imagine me being the distracted puppy and drowning in the infinite feed of curiosity seeds and NOT making any substantial progress on any, if I untethered myself from the FTE, jumping into the infinite revolving door of current obsessions.
Aka, the theme of “How to make my work more of a feature than a bug?”
Repeating the point of Why: I have been struggling to make peace with the fact that I spend too much time at work for my own liking, but am unable to break free for long / sustainably because I have no genuine good alternative.
I have no hobby, no spouse, no kid, no side projects. And I do enjoy the things I get to work on in my job, most of the time. Still motivated and engaged.
This gnawing thought of “I’m spending (way too much) time to trade time for money / earn a living instead of building assets“. Assets here mean things that will benefit me in the long term. Be it investments, financial, social capital, personal brand, etc.
One form of that is to do more of: working in public, learning in public, and thinking in public.
Because I’m mostly a cerebral breed, the ideal trajectory and end game is a life where I get to do intellectually stimulating activities, no matter how unscalable that is (writing, learning, teaching, consulting, thinking, theorising, pontificating, lol)
This way, I still but have something to share with the world, that also builds that expertise (but, do I want to be an expert? no, haha. I just want to be free to pursue my intellectual curiosity and be secure), while help me connect what I am doing (mostly short term and for the business) with the longer term of where I want to get to personally.
Huge caveat: I am very aware that my situation is rare, where I am appreciated, financially secure, do genuinely enjoy the work, and am working in a good work environment by any measure.
Even in this setting, I have phantasised about getting fired, or getting ill, to help me justify the decision to pull this trigger. Yes, I know….
Linking the other reflections of me trying to navigate this burnout:
If you want to just get the gist of it, it’s basically my internal journey of going from: “The idea of quitting is enticing. There’s a big quick emotional payoff waiting for us if we were to pull the trigger.” to “Right now, the only place that gives me sense of purpose and accomplishment is my day job. So, why throw it away?”
These are the more verbose nitty gritty rough details.
- Realised it’s been a while since I’ve woke up excited — where I look forward to something I’ll be doing that day.
- Post sabbatical quick reflection: 3 full weeks back at work. 15 work days.
- I’m more open to the idea that having full time job is also okay
- Do your “art”. Don’t put the burden on it to feed you. Keep your nice enough job.
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