The past 6 months

punya bisnis kecil, nggak seindah itu. punya karyawan itu ribet. nanganin kasbon, menjaga loyalty, nggak bisa autopilot lepas tangan total, butuh maintenance. kecuali udah ngebangun tim.

punya investasi terdiversifikasi, nggak seindah itu. banyak nyangkutnya. mesti long term, tapi juga ketar ketir hehehe

punya ekposure / channel / pintu masuk ke banyak belahan dunia juga berasa keteteran karena ya semua harus di-maintain. dan ini bikin cemas juga karena kepikiran “duh tiap detik gw punya benih yg sedang perlahan layu”

punya dream job, nggak seindah itu. bisa jenuh jg

punya ortu sehat dan suportif, ya, seindah itu…

punya teman2 positif, itu menyenangkan

punya badan fit, toned, and muscular ya cukup menyenangkan juga, tapi kalo kelewat kurus / low body fat itu nggak sehat (being shredded is not sustainable nor healthy for women. it messes with your reproductive systems yo)

di atas segalanya, kesehatan memang nomer satu. sehat di sini mencakup 1) energi fisik dan mental. 2) mobilitas dan kapasitas. 3) strength, agility, and stability.

that reassurance from people I admired helps a lot. and it can prevent a lot of low-key anxiety, unnecessary work, and unbased assumptions.

gw punya kecenderungan sensitif dan reseptif terhadap stressors and anxiety triggers. mostly from overthinking and attachment to ego. from brand management, managing hairloss, and body image.

sempet nyicipin pernah punya platform utk cuap2, menyenangkan juga. having some sort of personal brand is fun but it also takes effort and attention to develop and maintain.

mudah sekali untuk mati perlahan dari 1) ekspektasi tak berdasar dan potensi tak terwujud. 2) dari FOMO dan keinginan untuk maximising. 3) dari post-power syndrome dan heroes complex.

sedikit bertanya2 kemana ya kegiatan2 kecil yang dulu bisa bikin hepi? musik, gitar, ke toko buku. sekarang sekedar “nggak mood”, “capek ah, besok2 aja lagi” dan “been there done that”

test driving my daydreams… lush hilly road trips, close to nature, comfortable weather, clean air… cabin life, camper van life, they’re not as I expected

jadi sekarang sebenarnya apa lagi yg blm kesampaian? dan apa lagi yang benar2 gw inginkan? apa lagi yang benar2 gw butuhkan?

basically… I realised that a lot of my problems are not the real problem. and a lot of the imagined solutions are not the solution.

that it takes time to discover what really matters and what are illusions

that at the end of the day perhaps what we need is not a great resignation and what is happening is not a great reset.

that what I actually need is a great rest, great patience, and great self assurance.

that most of the time I need consistency more than intensity.

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