Extending the hibernation

why do I still feel tired, no bandwidth and motivation to do stuff? but still able to “go pro”, show up, and do my day job — killing it as well.

but I’m just left with no energy or interest to do the other non-work stuff like writing and side hustles. even family tim, and social time irritated me.

like, I can drag myself to just get started, break that initial inertia, and then I know it will just flow and I would feel great afterwards, like it does in 98% of cardio and weights sessions. but I’d be left mentally and/or physically drained at the EOD and I don’t think it’s a wise decision.

this is not depression I think, as I still love life. rarely are things grey or pointless. just general burnout and mental fatigue. and I only get stuck in occasional mental and emotional rut. a lot is happening with my world and the world in general.

does it mean I’m just not that into the things I thought I would enjoy? that the goals I was pursuing are only superficially interesting, and I’m just rationalising those? I don’t want it that much? or some deeper mental blocks?

also, these non-work stuff are meant to be things that recharge me. perhaps they don’t recharge me that much, and what I need is rest?

but I have dedicated last month (July) for total rest. trying to ~~snap out~~ iterate out of Total Work.

I let myself slept everytime I feel sleepy or tired. clocked an avg of 7.7 hours sleep / night last month — which is not an insane improvement as I had 7.61 hours in June, 7.22 hours in May, and 7.20 in April. the difference is more on the mental side. just more deliberate about giving myself the permission and command sleep. let, not get.

// April and May I averaged 14xx cals/day and june july at 13xx cals. I think I’ve hit my sweet spot and naturally moving towards 12xx cals/day now.

I stopped worrying about working out or maintaining muscle mass. I just work out when I don’t feel that lethargic. I tried to not trigger any stress response to my body.

I freed myself from the self-imposed obligation to show up online or be somewhat available to people. and those of you who knows me personally knows how bad my response time always been. but yeah, last month (till now) I managed to take it to the next level — only checking WhatsApp every 2 days or so. // “Focus Mode” on this Realme phome helps a lot.

I made an effort to not worry, or even think, about writing or publishing. I stayed away from info snacks, turned off the mode of “always be learning, tinkering with, and connecting ideas”.

I deliberately look for entertaining light and fun content on youtube, let myself watch them without feeling guilty. no self improvement no educate no hustle. and near the end of July I did notice some creative energy coming back. but now I’m somewhat back in a rut? do I do another month of rest?

so my priorities in July was: sleep, relaxing / entertaining myself, and work.

I will not put a deadline on this still, so I’ll let August be whatever it will be

anyone feeling the same lately? compounding mental fatigue?

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• Draft of this post can be found at: http://proses.id:5417/s/hgjd1_X4B