A friend was telling me about how he is “bored” with life. He goes to work, maintains his open source project as a hobby, helps out with some local tech comunities, and passively scrolls on social media. He dreams of spending time at cafes, watching movies, relaxing, doing whatever he had in mind, having no responsibilities, being “happy”. Escaping, basically.
I suppose that’s mostly just… modern life, and many of us would say “hell, who doesn’t want that?”. But it made me reflect on his complaints. I think he’s perhaps not “bored” as much as burned out.
I have an inkling that these kinds of dissatisfaction, resentment, and sense of being lost happen when:
- Your life doesn’t feel like yours
- You got no mission of your own
Your life doesn’t feel like yours
You didn’t decide your own schedule. You do things that you don’t find personally meaningful or impactful. You are not living life on your own terms.
Let me put in in a less black and white way.
Most of your schedules are set by others. Most of your activities are decided either by habit where you follow the path of least resistance, or they are determined by other people you don’t fully authorise or respect. You didn’t own most of the decisions you are carrying out. You have no idea what brings you meaning. You don’t trust in your ability to make an impact. You are outcome-oriented. You daydream about escaping, “being happy” all the time. You want instantaneous results, easy hacks, and ideal end-states. Not recognising that the journey and the process are what are going to fulfil you, and more importantly, who you want to become in the process.
And I’m not saying everything is really your fault. Perhaps some systems have failed you. But even trying to fix the system will give you a sense of agency.
The more part of your life that you can own, the less you will feel lost.
You got no mission of your own
You got no mission of your own that you’d rather be on. You don’t have things that give you a sense of progress, things that matter (even “only”) to you, things you’re actively pursuing — either other people’s mission that you wholeheartedly adopt and own, or things you design and intentionally set out to pursue.
When you have nothing in life that you derive personal meaning from, then you’re just drifting.
You need to have things that give you more than fleeting pleasure or a way to temporarily pause the pain. You need sources of meaning and fulfilment.
You can be content but not fulfilled. You can be satisfied but still not feeling recharged.
It can also be that you don’t have a story. You have no compelling narrative you weaved with awareness and intention about what you’re doing, why you do them, or who you’re doing it for.
So, what to do?
- Own as many of your decisions, your actions, and your sense of power.
- Design your mission. Own the missions you’re part of.
- Craft a story. Notice the stories you’re telling yourself.
But of course you can still feel lost even during these personal quests. What to do then? Try remembering a) why you do what you do and b) who you want to become in the process.
And most importantly: rest sufficiently, eat well, exercise, take a shower, go outside.
