20200527_1224 - it's easier to slip into inaccuracies when speaking == [TOC] --- * Note created: [time=Wednesday, 27 May 2020 12:24:39 +0700] * ###### tags `sTREaming` ---- ### theories 1. it's easier to be mindful / impeccable with our words when writing compared to when speaking / in conversations - or in a more verbose form: synchronous communication allow for / enable / tip us towards more intellectual disintegrity / dishonesty / let our bias overpower - the idiom in Indonesian: **mulutmu harimaumu** - another version: lidah tak bertulang 2. our instinct to connect with others is stronger than the desire to seek and speak only the truth ### mental model * The Elephant and the Rider (Jonathan Haidt) ### context listening to mom being on the phone now. she is sharing about some covid-19 death viral story she saw on WhatsApp. the same story she was debunking earlier as "could be hoax" > the story: a close friend of his friend's son in law died of covid-19 at the age of 34 after a short 10 day from the first time he got the fever till he died. very fit, exercises regularly, no known preconditions. tragic. unexpected. we need stories. we need some material to have conversations. true or not comes second once we get a new customer in the door, upselling is easier seems plausible. it's useful as survival mechanism. and it doesn't bother me as it's not fatal > and tbh, even me telling this story, I misrepresented it a bit. she didn't actually *say* it firsthand that it could be hoax. > > she was just part of the conversation this morning where I teased out "wow, tell me more, this is your friend's son in-law's good friend?" which she then said well not so sure, she got it from the friend (just a screenshot). in the end we weren't able to verify if this is someone we know in person at least in 2nd degree > > and I added "yeah (likely hoax, mom) remember that photo of 8-9 family members with 3-4 being circled reportedly have died of covid.... people like to make up shit like this..." another example: she has told a couple of people by now that she is not at the shop because her children didn't let her to go back as it's still too risky to be back in the shop for covid fact: I never pushed her to do so but I did recommend her to stay home and let the employees take care of the shop I think this narrative serves her image of being loved by her kids, and justifies her decision to obey the recommendation (not an order) ### trailing off *// "tail thoughts"?* ==it's easier to slip into inaccuracies when speaking==. your mouth likes to run, bypassing the brain. while your hands are more under your brain's command (?) stories are perceived experience and facts, which later gets interpreted and represented. stories are worldviews. we need as many things to be coherent with our existing beliefs or at least we can only handle so much dissonance at one time . does this somewhat explain [why some people prefers async communication](http://proses.id:5417/s/_i5WGrDtd) ? but at least in written communication you are able to think about the points you want to make carefully, choose your words precisely, and arrange them in the optimal order. everything is premeditated and [under more control](http://proses.id:5417/s/2fuS_NGSK)